Big bellies are everywhere!

I can’t help but notice there seems to be an influx of pregnant woman everywhere I go.  Glowing woman with big bellies seem to be at every turn and corner I take.  Looking at these beautiful woman – I can’t help but to reminisce about my experience when I was expecting my first child. The fun – the excitement – the pregnancy hormones!  I would like to believe I was a “normal” pregnant woman – but to hear my husband tell his side– you would have thought I was a crazy person…and in hindsight – I WAS!   We all have fears when we’re becoming a parent– but mine were off the chart.  I'm embarrassed to admit that I had this overwhelming fear that everyone around me was going to die. Morbid right?   I was consumed by fear!  I didn’t disclose this to my husband Jimmy, but he quickly figured it out when he would wake up in the middle of the night due to me checking his pulse.  Even the dog was not exempt from my insanity!  Poor dog was continually woken up because I swore I couldn’t see his chest moving and I would shake him….I have no idea how to check the pulse on a dog.

My fixation continued.  Some days it was under control and others….not so much.  One day, while we were building our house, I went over to check on Jimmy.  I spotted a dead cat on the side of the road and my emotions went haywire.  I knew at that point that poor cat needed a proper burial and I was going to give it to him.  I drove back to my house and got the supplies that all crazy people use when picking up a dead cat off the side of the road – rubber gloves, a garbage bag and some Noxema to put under my nose (What???  What if the cat smelled?).  I drove back to the cat, picked up his VERY stiff body, put him in the garbage bag and placed him on the front seat of my car and drove to find Jimmy.

When I arrived at the house, Jimmy was on the roof.  We knew we had a deadline with the baby coming so he was not easily distracted – but this was important – we had a cat to bury.  I called to Jimmy and asked him to please come down that I had something important to tell him.  I went around the side of the car, took the bag containing the cat out, and held it on what was left of my hip.  Jimmy jogged over to the car with a little fear in his eyes – not because he thought I had bad news, but because the cats head had broken through the bag and was poking out.  His pregnant wife was standing there with a stiff cat in a bag and he had no idea what was in store.  The conversation that came next was pretty incredible and it went something like this:

ME:  “Jimmy?  Can you bury this cat for me?”
JIMMY:  “OK”

That was it!  Not a question was asked as to where the cat came from, why I had it on my hip or even why I was wearing a white Noxema mustache.  He took the cat from my hands and walked back to the house, buried it and nothing was ever spoken about the cat again. 

Five days after we moved into our new home – we brought home our baby girl.  My death fixation had come to a halt and everything in the world was perfect. From that moment on – I knew that there is a special place in heaven for men who deal with woman with crazy pregnant hormones and when Jimmy gets there - he will NOT be in the cheap seats!