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Looking Into the Future

How do I answer the questions about a future with autism?

It seemed like a simple question. What was I expecting for Peter in his educational future? I find I sometimes give short answers to questions like that.

“The future is difficult to guess, especially with Peter.” The short answer is usually enough, although once those words are out there I get that quickened heartbeat--that worried feeling, I push aside when I think far ahead.

A mom I know is an educator and we have known each other for years because of our daughters, so I gave her the long answer. I told her questions like that make me really nervous. Then I gave her my whole thought process. I get nervous for all my kids’ futures, but Peter’s is more unclear than the others.

When I think about the future for Peter I have so many questions and then I remind myself if I tried to predict Peter at the beginning of middle school I would have been very wrong.

She didn’t know Peter when he was little, so I told her—he had no language. He barely had sentences when he started Kindergarten. His preschool teacher was not sure he would ever have a handwriting anyone could read, except Peter.

When I took those quick looks to the future back then I wondered if he would ever communicate. I wondered if he would learn to read, do math, function at all in this crazy world.

Now he is the one fixing iPads for his teachers. I can read his mini-essays without struggling and so can most people. He is talking to me about how he feels about weather, middle school and more. He is doing math to figure out how old I was when certain television programs were first aired. I would have never guessed any of that, so I try not to guess too far ahead.

I work with Peter for the best of all worlds—college, marriage, kids and at the same time I prepare for the most complicated—he may always need a support system. When I look ahead I always look back first to remind myself how far he has come and remind myself that I cannot come close to making an accurate guess.

When I look ahead I often think of Peter in the sprinkler as a preschooler. It has become a metaphor for how to look at Peter’s future. In early July, he stayed on the perimeter and just watched the girls play in the water. He would go near the sprinkler and stare at it when it was off.

One day, we lowered the water to his ankles and he gave it a try. We slowly inched the water up day after day. By late August, he was putting his face in the water just like his sisters.

That is how we look toward the future, one little thing at a time. Middle school, here we come.

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Cortlandt Manor Resident September 8, 2012 at 08:47 pm
I love reading your articles.....I wish there were more of them.
Wendy Kelly September 8, 2012 at 09:36 pm
As with everything in life that is difficult sickness, death, family struggles, job I find taking each day as they come. Looking too far into the future can seem very over whelming.
Susan September 8, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Really enjoyed learning about hope and progress. Things rarely turn out as we anticipate and you have definitely learned what helps your son learn and grow. How lucky is Peter to have you - and you to have the patience and love to help his life unfold in miraculous ways.
Patrice E. Athanasidy September 9, 2012 at 03:40 am
Thank you all! Ms. Kelly, you are so right--most of life can follow the sprinkler method. :)
Lizanne O'Toole September 9, 2012 at 10:27 am
I am glad that Peter's mom did not let the "professional" forcaster's dampen their outlook. NO one can predict the future and nothing is written in stone. Alcohol Anonymous has a winning slogan that applies to all - "One Day at a Time". I look forward to learning of Peter's future accomplishments and achievements. We are all works in progress.
Leslie Lawler September 9, 2012 at 12:43 pm
Patrice, I so enjoy reading about Peter's milestones, accomplishments and discoveries. I appreciate your courage in sharing both your life as a mom, and his, with all of us. Whether he knows it or not, he's an incredible teacher.....he has lessons for all of us. This precious sprinkler story, particularly, is a good one for all of us to start the week: if it's too much or too overwhelming at first, lower it to ankle-length and raise the bar little-by-little. I'm looking at my weekly to-do list, and bringing it down to ankle-length by crossing off tasks that can wait a bit.....in the end, like Peter, we can have more time to run through the sprinkler full-blast and enjoy life a little more than becoming so stressed so quickly.
Cadeyrn September 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm
A very soft, sweet story about your child. He's in perfect hands. Life is all about the "little things" ... and when it comes to a child those "little things" build big things.
CuriousConsumer September 9, 2012 at 01:06 pm
Great article, one in which I will share with my sister who is also a mom of a boy with autism who is starting HS. As I told her when he was diagnosed, we have many things we can learn from Robert but the greatest of which is unconditional love.
Patrice E. Athanasidy September 9, 2012 at 01:26 pm
I am so touched by everyone's comments. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and sending us your encouragement. It means a great deal.
leslie pierson September 9, 2012 at 01:34 pm
Being a mother has always been the best part of my life - and it hasn't changed from when my kids were young to now when they are on there own. Nothing else comes close and the author know this better than anyone. Thanks for sharing your stories about your family with us.
sayitsnotsojack September 9, 2012 at 02:01 pm
Too bad all that hard and loving work will be ruined by the middle school.
Margaret Nadramia September 9, 2012 at 03:08 pm
Projection has always been a problem for me. I always have to remind myself to stay in the moment. In the moment is where the answer is. In the moment anything is possible.
Patrice E. Athanasidy September 29, 2012 at 11:55 pm
Thank you all for the support. Unfortunately, the column will no longer be running. If you would like to keep following these stories, please visit
http://patriceitsthelittlethings.wordpress.com and feel free to spread the word.
Note Article
Just a short thought to get the word out quickly about anything in your neighborhood.
Share something with your neighbors. Write a new post... What's up? Make an announcement, speak your mind, or sell something
shakemdown June 19, 2013 at 12:03 am
@ASHLEY TARR my comments that i posted did not contain profanity nor did they harrass or abuseRead More anyone, they were just what the forum is for, to discuss issues within our city. but i know, some people would consider it harrasment or would try to have it deleted because the truth hurts,and that's what some of our elected officials don't want you to hear, (the truth)
shakemdown June 19, 2013 at 12:06 am
@jo you are right, the old web site was 100% better then this and it was more user friendly unlikeRead More this new one . BRING BACK THE OLD ONE
Lisa Buchman (Editor) June 19, 2013 at 07:04 am
By the way, in our new system we have an update that includes a community moderation tool—it'sRead More not only Patch editors who can flag comments. What is it? Readers can flag any content they find objectionable on any Patch site at any time. We’ve put the flagging link in more places to make it easier to find and backed it with more sophisticated tools. Our goal is to recognize and reward readers who make our community great. How does it work? You’ll see these words — Flag as Inappropriate — on the top and bottom of Board posts, articles, blogs and notes, and next to every single comment anywhere on the site. To flag something, you simply click those words. What happens when you flag? It alerts us that something might be up with the content. When should you flag? We ask that you use your common sense and a general spirit of openness. You should never flag things that you simply disagree with and certainly not to clarify minor points. We encourage you to comment, post (or even start your own blog) to be heard on those things. You can review the Patch Terms of Use Ashley referred to above.
sue June 17, 2013 at 06:55 pm
they put them out bottom window to do their"business" right under several of our decks.Read More they are very rude and unhygenic.
sue June 17, 2013 at 07:00 pm
don't know why I'm having a problem getting this written............anyway...they are rude,Read More unhygenic and WILL NOT follow any of the condo rules....there's so much more but we are sick of it. There are only two of us that speak up...everyone else is cowering behind closed doors.
joshua tanner June 18, 2013 at 03:00 pm
Unleashed dogs is getting to be a big problem in Peekskill. I see them routinely now. People areRead More letting their pit bulls out, their poodles, their chihuahuas - all kinds of dogs. Two days a go I watched a lady jogging on the track with her loose dog. The dog wasn't even supposed to be on the track no less loose. Some kid or elderly lady is going to get bit. Loose dogs also end up in more fights with other dogs.
Nancy O'Connor June 17, 2013 at 09:33 am
It was our pleasure to help out....good food, good weather, all around good time!!
leesther brown June 18, 2013 at 11:48 am
@Nancy,,I Thanked both you and Pauline Ghilcrest for serving the community and they took my commentsRead More down twice!!! Once again Thank You..you're automatically signed up for next year..:)
joshua tanner June 15, 2013 at 10:28 pm
It seems Patch moves editors every year. Liz was here when I signed up. Then she was shortly movedRead More to Rye and Rasheed took over. He must have been here about a year and then he left when the new format was introduced. Both times patch started cooking and then it got cut down just as new staff got their mojo going. A new editor with a new format seems like starting from scratch again. I know AOL/Patch needs to get some cash flow going quick (from what I've read) but I can't see what they are trying to do exactly by tipping the cart over and over
Wendy Kelly June 17, 2013 at 08:37 am
Agree Joshua just when you have a good thing going with an Editor they move. I can't figure thisRead More site out I was not allowed to post for at least a week thought Mary et al put an hex on me. Hey anyone know where Peter Goodson is??? I miss his posts.
jo June 18, 2013 at 10:12 am
new format is a dud.. 100% dud.. not user friendly.. a horror to navigate, as mentioned... noRead More benefit here. not at all.. quickly becoming a ex Patch fan... fix the mess you made..
Wendy Kelly June 15, 2013 at 11:03 am
http://search.lohud.com/sp?aff=1100&skin=&keywords=revitalization of Peekskill
Working Families Party endorsed candidate Mary Foster
Robin Seggs June 14, 2013 at 10:44 am
Working Families Party almost always cross endorses with Democrats. Looks like the choice isRead More getting clearer: One team is Democrat, WFP and Independent and the Catalina Team is Republican, Right-to-life, Conservative. Anyway, I believe Catalina is campaigning as anti-gay rights, so I know how I will be voting.
jo June 14, 2013 at 02:28 pm
and so many in the cast of characters that attend the meetings. believe Mary is a republican atRead More heart.. and here the Left of all left dem groups endorses here..mmmmmmmm just thinking out loud..
stephanie June 14, 2013 at 03:57 pm
mary foster and the rest of her butt kissers not need to run after what they have done to this cityRead More already we don't need them to run another term they neeed to get out and stay out. i believe frank catalina will much better than foster will ever be he cares about the city and does not like what foster has done to this city i wish him very much luck and i truly believe he will win as our mayor for peekskill good luck and kick foster and her butt kissers out of city hall and keep them out
af24us June 12, 2013 at 01:48 pm
I agree - the dangerous stop signs On Hudson Ave should be removed in both directions and keep theRead More stop signs on South St. and the exit ramps from Route 9.
Master Nicholas Canaan and his Lodge Officers for the 2013-14 Masonic Year
Fly on the Wall June 9, 2013 at 08:49 pm
Great,..... Masons... send'em over to city hall to re-point the building. Lot's of loose bricks overRead More there.