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Ending the Life of a Pet

Ending the Life of a Pet

Previously published in The Huffington Post:

I shall spend this day sitting, reading, typing, and hugging my dog whose last day will be today.  She rests in the sun at the end of the bed, when I’m not hugging her or by her side.  I am typing and reading with my foot resting on her front paws.   She always likes to have a part of her body touching mine when we go to bed for the night.  Her habit grew on me, so much so that often I am the first to initiate this intimate, physical connection with my hand or arm or cheek.  Lately, it is her cold, wet nose that she wants touching my fingertip in our bedroom when it is late and dark and time to sleep.

She is sixteen years old in people years, a long life indeed for a dog.  She has been quite a little survivor and has exemplified this quality from the day I found her roaming in the park with no collar or identification, to the time a careless cleaning person ignored the Do-Not-Disturb sign on our door at a rural motel and left the door ajar while we were at breakfast.  My dog disappeared for a day and a half, only to be found with a just broken leg on the other side of an interstate highway by a local farmer who returned her to us.

She seems at peace today, sleeping calmly most of the day, although she has not eaten in over twenty-four hours.  I have been feeding her chicken broth and water through a syringe, and she takes that in well but she lets nothing else pass her lips.  She can no longer bark or make any sounds.  She can hardly stand for more than a minute.     

I asked her veterinarian what to expect on this last day.  This is a first for me.  As a child, the two dogs I had on separate occasions held only brief moments of my life.  I don’t recall the explanations given to me by my parents for their sudden disappearances, or even the two occasions I came home from school and my companions were gone.  Perhaps I didn’t believe my parents’ stories, so I never really absorbed their excuses: The dogs got lost? The dogs were sick?  My parents quickly moved on and I was expected to do the same as well.  End of conversation. 

Over the years, my grown daughter has taught me the meaning of loving a dog or cat, along with all creatures of this world.  She is often wise and teaches me something new everyday.  Over the phone last night, she started a conversation that persuaded me to stay home from work today.  Now, as I sit here, I can’t imagine how or why I would have left the house.  “You’ve spent sixteen years with this dog.  This is a family emergency.  Are you going to spend this last day without her?” my daughter said in a kind, quiet voice.  

The sun has shifted and so have we.  She rests on my chest as I lay on the couch in the family room, the sun warming her shivering body.  She calms and sleeps intermittingly.  We breathe together with the ins and outs of what is left of her life.  Our breathing, in sync, is one.  The doctor will arrive today at 3:30PM. My husband will be home from work by that time.  I don’t believe in cremation.  It reminds me too much of the horrors of the Holocaust - I’m not even Jewish.  My husband has dug the hole.  I have prepared a heavy-duty plastic box for her with a pink locking lid, the color of her collar.  I will try to be calm; she deserves that in her last moments.   I cannot imagine this impending event or the experience of it, since this is new and painful for me.  But I am prepared.  I have braided my hair into two braids, one on each side, a ritual I do when there is a remarkable life experience about to take place.  I braided my hair just before I gave birth to my daughter with the Bradley Method, a technique of relaxation and diaphragmatic breathing, one without drugs or pain.  I am not sure where I got his braiding idea but it seems to calm me and give me a sense of control.  Perhaps it comes from the indigenous friends I had in Tulsa and Santa Fe, where I had lived for a time, who often traditionally wore hair in braids.  With all of their struggles and history, there was a calmness about them that seemed to come from the way they viewed life and death and the world.  For me, the act of braiding and the braids themselves create a sense of peace of mind. 

Last night, on the phone, my daughter assured me that this was the best way for my dog’s life to  end.  She said, “If we can put our pets out of misery by saving them from starvation and pain, why can’t we do this when the end is so near, for ourselves and the people we love?”  Last night, I thought of my mother on her deathbed, not eating for days, weighing half of her normal weight, unable to speak or move, and without a health directive or law allowing us to do for her what I am going to do today for my dog.                   

This afternoon, my dog will leave this world in my arms without pain, with my lipstick kiss on her mature Maltese mane.  Tonight, when it is late and dark and time to sleep, I will feel her presence beside me. 

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Leslie Lawler January 31, 2013 at 07:03 PM
Mary, I wish I could offer you some words of comfort. I've had animals all my life, and they indeed become true family members. I understand what you're feeling; she's completely adorable! I send you virtual hugs of peace and comfort, and I would bet she'll always make her presence known to you.
Mary Crescenzo January 31, 2013 at 07:54 PM
Hello, Leslie, Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts and virtual hugs. I appreciate you reading and commenting on my blog. I hope this blog and your comments will let pet owners know they are not alone in this part of the journey.
Liz Claire January 31, 2013 at 09:27 PM
My heart goes out to you. We've had two dogs, one raised from a puppy, the other we rescued. In linear years, they were with us for 13 and 15 years. They made life all the richer for being with us. I miss them terribly. We planted trees in honor of them, and buried them close. I thank God I never had to make the tough decision that you faced. My prayers are with you.
Wendy Kelly January 31, 2013 at 10:32 PM
Mary- I would like to write to you in private may I have your email address? I prefer to keep my sentiment private and know all too well what you are experiencing and hope I may help ease your pain. Wendy Kelly
JM January 31, 2013 at 11:40 PM
omg Mary, I don't even know you. So, why am I crying from what you typed? I just know how lucky I was not to have to make that decision for my beloved pet rabbit at nearly 12, who was blind and only had one kidney left at the end, and had traveled half the globe with me in his younger, playful, carefree years -- 30 states, four countries in Europe. He died in my lap in Aug. 2007 in all of about 15 minutes. They say rabbits don't dwell when the time is up because they are prey, after all. Dogs and cats, well, I guess we humans have helped to extend their lives more. Sixteen -- you certainly did what was right and I'm sure, just because you wrote this, that she was one very, very, very lucky dog. If there is any solace in the void she left, it has to be the wonderful life you and your family provided in exchange for the joy she gave you. :-) I often dream that if people took the time to care and love their pets as much as we do, the world would indeed be a much better place. Peace and my sincerest sympathy.
Liz Claire February 01, 2013 at 03:33 AM
My heart goes out to you. We've had two dogs, one raised from a puppy, the other we rescued. In linear years, they were with us for 13 and 15 years. They made life all the richer for being with us. I miss them terribly. We planted trees in honor of them, and buried them close. I thank God I never had to make the tough decision that you faced. My prayers are with you.
leesther brown February 01, 2013 at 03:23 PM
@Mary, Like Leslie,I wish I could offer words of comfort,when I read this yesterday I hurt for you.I have (2) canine children Petey and Francheska,and I dread the day....God Speed to ya.....
Leslie Yager February 01, 2013 at 06:00 PM
Thanks for sharing this story. It still have a lump in my throat. Putting a dog down is such a tough decision, but your dog had a lovely, long life. :
Renaissance Vocal Ensemble February 01, 2013 at 07:04 PM
Dear Mary, your husband and all who mourn with you-- Your sentiments and recollections pretty much correlate to my pet journey stories. In sympathy-- Beverly
Mary Crescenzo February 02, 2013 at 08:04 PM
Thanks, Leesther, Thanks for writing. Enjoy your two little ones an focus on today with them and enjoy....
Mary Crescenzo February 02, 2013 at 08:06 PM
Yes, often when they go peaceful on their own it is less traumatic but still incredibly sad. I love the idea of a tree in their honor. Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog.
Mary Crescenzo February 02, 2013 at 08:08 PM
Hi, Wendy, You may write a note to The Peekskill Playhouse/ Mary Crescenzo, c/o The Bean Runner Cafe, 201 S. Division Street, Peekskill, 10566 and I will pick it up there since I run my theatre works on the Bean's stage and I know I can get it there. Thanks for reading my blog.
Mary Crescenzo February 02, 2013 at 08:10 PM
Thank you for your heartfelt response. I am in awe of your life with your rabbit by your side. Yes, my little one did live a long life. I think your dream is a beautiful one and I agree! Thanks for reading my blog.
Mary Crescenzo February 02, 2013 at 08:12 PM
Thank you for your kind reply and for reading my blog. Yes, it was a tough decision but, it is true, her life was long and happy.
Mary Crescenzo February 02, 2013 at 08:15 PM
Thanks, Beverly, for your condolences and reading and responding to my blog. I am sure your remember your pets with love and happy memories. Those last days are tough but sweet memories of the rest of a pet's life remain.
James Adnaraf February 02, 2013 at 09:10 PM
It is so important to cherish every good moment with your pet, whether the pet is one year old or at the end of a long wonderful life. And, feel real sadness that the end has come. Feeling the sadness is part of the process of recovering, and being able to look back and smile, and ultimately have a sense of real happiness, even as we miss the pet so very much. We have a 14 year old dog who has survived quite a few ailments, and is doing well, and we have years of pictures and they give us lots of smiles. We have had other pets who did not last as long, and we know with our current dog that only a small percentage of her life is still to be lived. We are going to be comforted, as we have been comforted by past pets, by the knowledge that we enjoyed the precious years to the fullest. When the end does come, we will feel sad, but that sadness is a good thing. Who could not be saddened by the end of a wonderful relationship such as dog to human? The sadness will be worth it, and it will be the start of our reflection on a wonderful legacy.
Bonnie February 05, 2013 at 03:14 AM
Mary your blog is so beautifully written. Words full of emotion from your heart. I feel them still. Blessings to you and your family for healing. My furry son is 9 and his white beard sports his age. Still he has some years ahead of him for sure (I wont let his graying fur fool me). Thank you for sharing this intimate story. I'm going to go hug my baby now :) Bonnie
Mary Crescenzo February 05, 2013 at 03:30 AM
Thank you, James, for your eloquent response to my blog. You have given me much to think about. Thanks for taking the time to read this blog.
Mary Crescenzo February 05, 2013 at 03:32 AM
I appreciate your thoughtful and kind words. Yes, hug your little one and give him one hug for me. Yours and all the comments have been helpful. Thank you for reading and commenting on my blog.

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